When Inspiration Strikes
by Luvergirl of Books
Summary: With the wonderful world of Ranger's Apprentice, the possibilities are endless for what could happen. And is it by coincidence that in the books we never read about the acts of extreme stupidity? Anything happens and hilarity ensues when inspiration strikes! series of drabbles about whatever and whenever, rated T just in case
1. See Me!

**A/N:** Alright, here is the beginnings of my drabbles! I've been working on these for quite some time now, and I'm really excited to get them up. By the way, this will probably be the only chapter with ten drabbles; I had to fit some in there in the middle that wouldn't have worked otherwise.

Ah, you'll see what I mean in a minute. :)

* * *

**One: Sharp Objects**

* * *

Halt held out the saxe knife to his new apprentice. "Feel the weight of it, feel the balance."

Will cringed. "Get that thing away from me! _SHARP OBJECTS!_"

* * *

**Two: Puppy-Dog Eyes**

* * *

"If you love me, you'll let me have it." Will gave him the dreaded puppy-dog face.

"Ugh, fine, here," Halt said as he threw a cookie at Will's feet.

* * *

**Three: Bad Memory**

* * *

Halt watched as the Skandian ship went farther and farther away, taking his apprentice with it.

But he forgot what advice he was going to yell to Will.

Therefore, he yelled the first thing that popped into his head.

"WILSON! WIIIIIIIIIILLLLLSOOOOOOOOON!"

Hey, that kind of works, doesn't it? Will, son, get it!

**A/N:** I was thinking of _Castaway_…complete crack, that was!

* * *

**Four: Delivery**

* * *

_Knock, knock, knock_

Halt stood up. "I wonder who that could be," he said to his apprentice, who was on the floor, sharpening his throwing knife.

He opened the door to a messenger. "I have a package for…Ranger Halt." The messenger was holding a large wooden box.

Halt took the box from him. "That's me." And he shut the door in the messenger's face.

He put the wooden box on the ground. "I wonder what it is."

Will looked up from his task. "You've been wondering a lot. Besides, Halt, don't be retarded. It's a box."

* * *

**Five: Movement Part I**

* * *

Halt sighed, never looking up from his reports. "Will, I can see you."

"Crap."

* * *

**Six: Movement Part II**

* * *

"Will, I can still see you."

"Crap!"

* * *

**Seven: Movement Part III**

* * *

Halt shook his head disdainfully. "Will, I can _still see you_."

"_Crap!_"

* * *

**Eight: Movement Part IV**

* * *

"Will, I can—"

"NO! THAT'S NOT NICE!"

_Thunk._

"Will, you missed."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

And Will ran off screaming bloody murder.

**A/N:** were you getting tired of that yet? :)

* * *

**Nine: Bees**

* * *

"Ahhh! A bee!" Dennis, a first-year apprentice, cowered and shrank back in the folds of his Ranger cloak. This was his first year at the Gathering, so not many knew him that well. However, they now knew that he wasn't the fondest of bees…

"Goodness, Dennis, it's nothing," Halt said from across the new apprentice. His face was as grim as ever. "You would think that your master James had never showed you an insect."

Dennis shrunk even further into his cloak.

"Lad, you're drawing a scene," said the grizzled Ranger. Indeed, a few of the other Rangers were beginning to look their way (they might be thinking that Halt was torturing the poor boy). Halt shrugged his shoulders. "Here, boy, see this."

Halt reached out his hand to the bee, enveloping the flying insect in his rough hand. Dennis cocked his head, wondering exactly what the Ranger was getting at. After a moment, Halt opened his hand, and the bee flew free. "See, lad," he said, holding his hand out to Dennis, so that the lad could see the stinger stuck in his palm. "It can't hurt you now. It doesn't even hurt at…"

Just then, the effect of the stinger's poison took full effect. Halt trailed off from what he was saying, his face twisted into a pained grimace. "OW OW OUCH OH MY _OW_!" he exclaimed (along with a few other semi-muffled choice words that I refuse to type) as he shook his hand vigorously. "Get-it-out-get-it-out-get-it-out-get-this-thing-out-of-my-hand!" he screamed.

Dennis went wide-eyed and left, panicky, as quickly as he could. The boy left Halt to his devises as Halt finally pried the stinger loose. Needless to say, Dennis kept his fear of bees, and Halt got a new one.

* * *

**Ten: Awkward Wordplay**

* * *

Will was at the campfire, Crowley the only Ranger with him, and was across from him. Will was attempting to make coffee, but for some reason was having a terrible time with it. Especially after spilling the water into the fire, putting out the flames.

"Son of a—" But he paused when he glanced at Crowley, who now had an eyebrow raised at him. He revised what he was originally going to say. "—biscuit-eater," he finished warily after a very, very slight hesitation.

Crowley's other eyebrow joined the first. "_Got_ down off my horse, stepped in a pile of shiftin' sand, and busted my aspirin bottle."

Will ran off. "Halt! Crowley's saying bad things!" he said as he ran to his mentor.

Halt crossed his arms. "Now, boy, there's nothing wrong at all."

And Will ran off screaming.

Halt went and sat by the ruined fire next to the Corps commandant. Crowley looked at him, shaking his head disdainfully at the boy. "Amateur." Halt nodded his agreement.

**A/N:** if you didn't understand Crowley's tiny monologue, much of that sounded shockingly similar to a few dirty words that most people are familiar with. Say it out loud, you'll understand. And Crowley's saying is courtesy of Papa. *claps wildly*

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**A/N:** and that is the beginning! Hope you liked it, because I've got tons more where these came from. Reviews are always appreciated!


	2. Oh, the Musical Humanity!

**A/N:** all right, next chapter is up! Like I said, there's not as many as last time, but that was a special case. I really need to take it easy; if I keep going like this, I'll run out of stories before too long!

Anyway, enjoy!

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**Eleven: Oil and Curiosity**

* * *

Will was cooking dinner in the kitchen with Halt. Opening the cupboard, he saw a bottle of thick-like liquid. The teen picked it up and studied the labeling.

"Halt?"

"Yes?"

"I don't understand olive oil."

Halt raised an eyebrow.

Will kept going. "No really, I mean, what does it mean 'virgin'? How can an olive be a virgin, it's an inanimate object? And how can anything be an 'extra virgin'? What makes it more special?"

On the other side of the kitchen, Halt facepalmed.

**A/N:** :) this is based on an actual experience I had at the grocery store...

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**Twelve: Dragon**

* * *

Horace was in his quarters by himself. Halt had come to Castle Araluen to speak to the king about some official matters no one cared about, and was passing Horace's door when he heard an odd noise. He did a bit of a double take, and edged the door open.

"Horace?" he called softly into the room.

"Yeah, I'm in here." And the odd noises started up again.

Peering around a corner, Halt saw the young knight sitting on his bed, lips moving. Halt frowned and came closer, realizing that the weird sounds had been coming from Horace himself.

"Horace," he began, "what on earth are you doing?"

"Nothing." But in a quieter voice, Horace continued with, "_Puff the magic dragon, lived by the sea. And frolicked in the autumn mist, in a land…_"

And with these words, Halt deemed that it was time for him to leave the young knight to his song.

* * *

**Thirteen: Peanut**

* * *

"Found a peanut, found a peanut, found a peanut just now. Just now I found a peanut, found a peanut just now. Cracked it open, cracked it open, cracked it open just now. Just now I—"

Will was wide-eyed. "Halt, what the _hell_?"

Halt decided to let the language slip this time, and he held out his hand, palm up, so that his apprentice could see the reason for his singing. "I found a peanut."

**A/N:** I love that song!

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**Fourteen: New Advertisement**

* * *

Will emerged from his room with his cloak on backwards. The opening was at the back, and his cowl was up over his head, covering his face to where he couldn't see. The apprentice shuffled into the living room, blinded, and collided with Halt.

His mentor stumbled slightly, then turned to face his apprentice. They would have been eye to eye if Will's face hadn't been covered. Halt grabbed the cowl and pulled it off his face to let it rest around Will's neck. "What in the blazes are you doing, boy? Why do you have your cloak on backwards?"

Will grinned dumbly, swinging his shoulders and arms. "It's a Snuggie! The blanket with sleeves!"

"But your cloak has no sleeves."

"…Shut up."

**A/N:** hey, who doesn't love a good Snuggie (other than Bralt, of course-don't worry, kid, I got your back)? Mine is zebra-striped

* * *

**Fifteen: More New Advertisement**

* * *

Will looked at his lifelong friend with a slight frown on his face. "Alyss, what are you doing?"

Alyss just grinned, and looked at the object in her hands. "Nothing," she said, "we're just going to have some fun!"

Together, they walked through the streets in the town. It was considerably deserted, as most people were at a magic stand. This is also where the two friends were going.

Will got a hunch, and spoke it aloud. "We're not coming for the magic show, are we?"

"Nope."

After a minute, they reached the stand, where everybody had gathered. The magician was just about to stop for an intermission, so Alyss grabbed Will's hand with her free hand, keeping the object in her other, and led him up to directly in front of the stage.

The magician announced the beginning of his break, and Alyss turned to Will. "Boost me up."

He did so, lifting her up onto the stage. Being a Ranger, he naturally felt a bit uncomfortable in the large crowd, but Alyss hauled him up with her nevertheless. She got the crowd's attention, and spoke.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this magic show was officially funded by a new product," she called out.

She held out the object in her hands, so that everyone could see. "It's a pillow, it's a pet! It's a Pillow Pet!"

* * *

**A/N:** ah, those aren't quite as funny as some of the others. Well, they're all right. Now, I've been getting quite a few views to my stories so far, but only a little bit of feedback. Come on, guys! Let's see some review action going on! :)


	3. From Most of My Own Idiocy

oh jeez...some of these things are so stupid that they make me seriously doubt my sanity...ah well, we're all a little bit crazy. But I have so much fun making them!

Oh yeah, for you guys that care: Season 8 of Criminal Minds starts THIS MONTH! I am _pumped_! This will be the first season for me to actually follow (due to my just getting back into them again), so this is a huge deal! I just can't help but love them, though I'm going to miss Prentiss. And just watch, I'll probably end up hating Blake, just like Seaver.

But on with the show!

* * *

**Sixteen: Yo-yo Troubles**

* * *

"Yo…yo…yo…yo…"

"Will, what is that thing, and what are you doing with it?" Halt asked, eyeing the piece of wood in his apprentice's hand.

Will shrugged. "I don't know. I just carved a couple pieces of wood, shoved them together, and tied a string around the middle. Look, it goes up and down!"

He then proceeded to continue his demonstration of the toy. Down. "Yo…" Back up, down. "Yo…" Back up, down. "Yo…" Back up, down. "Y—"

"Okay, I get it!"

Will cocked his head. "I think I'm going to call it a yo-yo."

Halt just sighed and went to the kitchen. He could hear Will continuing his 'yo-yoing' in the other room.

Then, abruptly, there was a loud thud. "Ow, my _foot_!"

Wondering how he could have hurt his foot with the yo-yo, Halt shook his head in disdain.

**A/N: **A real experience of mine. Again.

* * *

**Seventeen: Mentor**

* * *

"What were you thinking, Halt? Wait, you weren't thinking, were you? I don't think you were!"

Halt looked at his apprentice. "Will, I was just chasing after those bandits. You knew that. And besides, nothing really bad happened!"

Will crossed his arms over his chest. "But it _almost_ did."

Halt shook his head. "If you've forgotten, _I'm_ the mentor, _you_ are the apprentice. This conversation is idiotic!"

"No, it's _right-iotic_! I see the shoe is on the other foot now! Uncomfortable and _smelly_, isn't it?!"

* * *

**Eighteen: Of the Sneaks**

* * *

As Gilan was cooking a savory stew on the stove, Will was slowly and carefully sneaking up on him from behind. He inched closer to the young Ranger, waiting for the exact right moment to…

"AAAAAAAH!"

At Will's outburst, Gilan turned slowly to face him. He raised an eyebrow, looking remarkably like Halt, and Will was visibly deflated that his shout hadn't scared his friend.

Gil met his eyes. "You, my friend, sound like a broken crow."

**A/N:** yet another experience of mine…me and dad…

* * *

**Nineteen: Eyebrows**

* * *

"Halt, come look what I found out in the yard!"

His mentor turned to him and raised an eyebrow.

Which caused Will to frown, obviously forgetting about his predicament in the yard. "You sure do that a lot."

"Do what?" Halt asked.

Will gave him an 'is it not obvious' look. "Raise you're eyebrow! Why do you do that, anyway?"

Halt eyed his apprentice thoughtfully before answering. "Well, it's when one eyebrow is curious, irritated, or in other words feeling some sort of strong emotion," he explained, "but the other eyebrow doesn't give a fig."

* * *

**Twenty: Feet**

* * *

Will held his foot high up in the air. "Halt, I need you to check my feet."

"Why? What's wrong?" Halt said, frowning.

"Well…they're not dancing."

**A/N:** ah, experiences. You gotta love 'em!

* * *

**A/N:** the stupidity will forever haunt me. Good thing I love every minute of it!

Oh yeah, random thought: I finally figured out one of the main reasons that I hate Seaver! It'll be on my profile, because here (just like in these author's notes...) it's irrelevant.

Anyway, tell me what you think!


	4. Television Has Ruined My Mind

**Twenty-One: Cough Drops**

* * *

The ragged forester looked Halt up and down. "You can just butt out, Ranger," he said. "There's nothing you can do here."

In an instant, Halt was upon him, saxe knife out and pressed against the man's throat in a heartbeat. "You don't talk to me like that! You are a fat, sour-faced, pig-nosed, ragged, beat-up loser who'll never have any place in society!"

Will looked of into the distance, shaking his head disdainfully, and sighed. "Halt. A pep talk in every drop."

**A/N:** if y'all are curious about this drabble and the title of it, I got the idea from the Halls cough drop commercial. Complete and utter fail.

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**Twenty-Two: Door**

* * *

Halt slowly crept out of the room. He eased the door shut, wincing as it creaked on its rusty hinges. He had to be quiet. He absolutely, positively, under _any_ circumstances, could _not_…

"Hi Halt! What are you doing? Why are you being so sneaky? Are you hiding something? Who are you hiding from? Ooh…are you hiding something from _me_?"

…let Will see him.

"No, Will," Halt said, turning to face his apprentice. "I am absolutely not hiding something from you."

Will was obviously not convinced. "Oh really? Then let me see what's in there."

"No! No matter what, you are to never, ever, ever, _ever_, open that door!" He pointed at the door for good measure.

Will held his hands up in a defensive gesture. "Okay, okay, fine! Whatever you say."

~ Five minutes later ~

Halt took in the sight before him. His apprentice—who obviously listens about as well as a brick wall—was standing next to the forbidden, now open door. The boy was dripping, covered from head to toe in a mixture of many things—chocolate, for one thing, and some slimy green stuff, and God knows what else.

"Will, did you open that door?"

Will huffed. "No!" he said, as if it was obvious. "It simply exploded just before I touched the knob!"

**A/N: **…this is what I get for watching all of those stupid Cocoa Puffs commercials…

* * *

**Twenty-Three: Playing Cards**

* * *

"…_Ugh_! How do you shuffle like that!" Halt said as he watched Alyss expertly shuffle the playing cards, complete with bridge and all.

Alyss grinned across the table at him, handing him the deck. "You have to _finesse _the cards, Halt," she said philosophically.

The grizzled Ranger attempted to imitate her, but only succeeded in getting the cards everywhere. "Yeah," he grumbled as he brushed them off his lap. "Try doing that with calluses."

**A/N:** the thanks go to my lovely parentals for this one.

* * *

**Twenty-Four: Prints**

* * *

Halt and Pauline walked through the snowy grounds, side by side. They both had a bit of free time at the moment, and had decided to put it to good use.

Pauline sighed. "I think it's so funny to see all of the little bird prints everywhere in the snow."

Halt cast her a sidelong glance, smirking. "Oh you do, do you? I think it's funny to hear a 33-year-old say 'bird prints'!"

And he laughed as she took a playful swipe at his head.

**A/N: **If you didn't notice, this was back in time, in the time back before the books

* * *

**Twenty-Five: State Farm**

* * *

Will nudged Halt with his elbow. "Hey, watch this." The boy walked forwards a bit, then chanted/sang. "Like a good neighbor, State Farm is…there!" and he pointed.

There was a great puff of smoke, and they attempted to wave it away, coughing. This, however, was punctuated by Will's scream.

"AAAAAAAH! HOW DID CROWLEY GET HERE?"

Crowley nonchalantly blew a ringlet of smoke away from his face. "Now _that _is what I call Ranger black magic! In your face, you non-believing villagers and townspeople!"

* * *

**A/N:** oh my. I genuinely think that these just keep getting more and more stupid. But, hey, that's the fun of it! My favorite would have to be #25. What did _you_ think?


	5. No Excuse for Stupidity

**A/N:** Before we really get started, I'd like to thank all of my reviewers here. Y'all have really motivated me for this, and it absolutely makes my day to see your reviews. So, here is the happy little list:

_Bralt_

_Ranger 51_

_Mychele O'Carrick of Clonmel_

_JustaBunchaHOOPLA_

_cindy_

_Pie in the Face_

_flaminglake_

_UnseenRangerGal_

_tlokatlabstwxaas_

_Ranger Girl 81_

I thank you all; you guys are great! Aaaand on with the show!

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**Twenty-Six: Smite**

* * *

Horace was attempting to sneak up on his best friend, who was leaned up against a large rock, dozing. He was putting the cloak that Halt had lent him to good use. The knight crept closer, closer—luckily there was just soft moss on the ground—closer…

Just as he was within a meter and a half from Will, the Ranger moved slowly, eyes beginning to flutter, but then the lids hesitated. In a split second, they were still once again. Horace barely caught the movement.

He figured that Will was simply keeping up the pretense of being asleep just in case, but Horace continued on just because he could. It wouldn't really matter anyway.

When he was just a meter from his friend, Horace swiftly unsheathed his sword and jumped forward, yelling out "I smite you!"

Will apparently deemed Horace as unthreatening, for he simply opened his eyes and cast a withering glance at the knight. He blinked slowly. "…Smite me, then," he said tiredly.

* * *

**Twenty-Seven: Desert**

* * *

Halt was outraged, for some reason that nobody, not even Will himself, knew of. "I swear to you, Will!" he screamed, "If I _ever_ hear anything of the sort _again_, I am going to personally take the—"

Then, with a great puff of smoke, Selethen magically appeared in between the two Rangers. Will jumped about two feet back in stupefaction, while Halt merely inclined his head, confused—and immediately losing all trace of fury, as it happens.

After a moment's hesitation, Selethen crossed his arms over his chest. "It's so cold here! Why did I ever come here?"

Halt raised an eyebrow. "We were just wondering the same," he said, very calmly, considering the circumstances.

Shaking off his astonishment, Will frowned. "How do you think it's cold here? It is not!"

The older Ranger shook his head disdainfully. "An Arridi Wakir appears in our living room, and the only thing you mention is his opinion on the climate?"

Selethen nodded at Will. "Yes, it is cold! I'm from the desert!"

"No you're not, you're from Arrida!" Will defended.

"Exactly!" Selethen shouted, exasperated. "DESERT!"

* * *

**Twenty-Eight: Plant**

* * *

"I dig…and I dig…and I…dig some more…and I measure my hole…and I put the—"

But Halt, who was now standing at the edge of the veranda with his arms folded over his chest looking down at his apprentice in the yard, decided to interrupt. "Will, must you always mutter to yourself?"

Will looked up at his mentor. "Well, you know how we don't have any chickens?"

"Yes," the grizzled Ranger said, gazing at the white lump in Will's hand. "I had gathered that."

"I figured that we could save time and money if I just plant an egg!" the boy said matter-of-factly. "Once the egg tree grows, we won't have to take the time to ride into the market, and we wouldn't have to buy eggs from the farmers. We could then put that money toward other things…"

Halt shook his head wearily. "Will, just bring that egg back before you try to bury it and—"

But just then, Will attempted to cover the egg with dirt, resulting in a dirty, cracked eggshell and a dirty, yolk-covered teenage hand. For a moment, the boy was dumbfounded, but quickly regained his composure, grinning hugely.

"Great! Now, this will make it that much easier to grow it!"

**A/N:** poor, stupid Will. Have you noticed that most parodies make Will either a retard or a punching bag? Or both?

* * *

**Twenty-Nine: Story**

* * *

Halt put his head in his hands and collapsed in his favorite chair. He was extremely annoyed at his apprentice. Will seemed to be even more irrepressible than usual today. As the boy rattled off more and more conversational questions, Halt had finally had enough.

"Hold up!" he said. Will immediately fell silent. Sighing, Halt continued. "How about I tell you a short little story?"

Will involuntarily backed up a step, then hesitantly sat down on the floor. "Umm…okay?" he said warily.

Halt nodded. "All right, it'll give you something to think about." He then went into his epic storyteller mode. "Late one night, two dead boys got up to fight."

Will cocked an eyebrow as his mentor told the short fable.

Halt continued uninterrupted. "Back to back and face to face, they pulled their knives and shot each other."

He stood brusquely and walked into the kitchen, leaving his apprentice pondering on the floor to try and work out the little riddle. He smiled to himself. He could see they would finish the day on a much quieter note.

**A/N:** thankee, Papa, for your wonderful inspiration!

* * *

**Thirty: Sleeping**

* * *

Malcolm, Will, and Horace all sat quietly around the fire. While the healer was positioned in his favorite chair, the two youths sat on the couch. The comfortable silence stretched for a while, until…

"When's lunch?" Horace asked, the inevitable question.

Malcolm folded his hands on his lap. "I swear, if you two boys stay too much longer, you'll bleed me dry!"

He said this in a despairing tone, but the healer's face betrayed him as it broke into a wide grin. Really, he loved having the company of the two young men.

Horace cocked his head to the side, eyes alight. "We'll owe you big time after this is all over. Have you seen Trobar?" he asked, changing the subject. "I haven't seen him all day long."

"Oh, he's off with Shadow in the woods," Malcolm said, absently waving a hand in the direction of the woods. Which, if you think about it, was a pointless gesture—Healer's Clearing was surrounded by forest.

The knight nodded to himself. "I noticed that he's been spending a lot of time with her. He's a real natural with dogs, like when…"

But he trailed off, a frown creasing his face. Horace huffed once. "What're you doing sleeping?" he asked forcefully.

Next to him on the couch, Will started, jerking his head up from where it had lolled onto the back of the couch. "Hm, yes they do, what?" Horace looked at him, raising one eyebrow. Will grinned sheepishly.

"What the hell?" Horace inquired, palms spread.

"I rather think I agree with Horace," Malcolm said, nodding. "I don't see what you're so tired for. We've only been planning a siege.

**A/N:** This was based on a real experience. But it wasn't Will (obviously), it was my cousin. I used direct quotes from that real interchange. I thought that it was funny so I wrote them down. Love you, buddy! Class of 2011; continue to succeed!

* * *

**A/N:** well, that's about it for now. Until...sometime later, probably in another couple of weeks, I'll go ahead and post some more. Tell me what you thought!


	6. A Bit from Everyone

**Thirty-One: Gift**

* * *

Horace rocked from one foot to the other as he watched his former ward mate tear open the wrapping on the box. Alyss had begun this birthday session meticulously prying off every last inch of wrapping paper to insure that it didn't rip; this method, however, had soon been discarded.

At last, Horace beaming in front of her, she shredded off all of the paper, opened the box, and peered inside. For a moment, all was silent, and Horace's grin got ever wider.

Alyss smiled sheepishly at him. "…Did you keep the receipt?"

**A/N: **poor little Horace had no idea…

* * *

**Thirty-Two: Sing**

* * *

Will strummed the final note to his latest song, finishing with a dramatic flair. Though the majority of the household broke into applause, one Ranger simply sat, arms crossed.

Pauline jogged her husband in the ribs with her elbow. "Don't be so solemn, Halt!"

Laughing, Will said, "Yes, Halt, _must_ you be so grave?"

"He's pretty good, you know," Alyss interjected.

Halt snorted. "I wouldn't say so. I've heard better."

Gilan was amused. "What do you know? You can't sing!"

"What? What do you mean by that?"

Gil raised his eyebrow in a very scary impersonation of his former mentor.

Halt did it right back. "I can sing."

Everyone in the room gave the grizzled Ranger skeptical looks.

_That_ was when Halt proved that he was never wrong. He started to sing.

"On top of Old Smoky, all covered with bugs, I found a dead floater, in Pauline's tea mup."

Will chuckled and looked incredulous. "Halt, are you _drunk_?"

Upon his finishing the rendering of the age-old song, Pauline frowned, picked up her mug of tea, looked inside it, grimaced, and dumped the contents into a potted plant.

**A/N:** once again, I thank my dad for Halt's wonderful song!

* * *

**Thirty-Three: Science**

* * *

"Come on, guys!" Will prompted. "You both have to drink the same amount. That way, we can figure out the difference of the rest of it tomorrow!"

Crowley looked at Halt, setting down his tankard momentarily. "Can you remind me what we're doing thish for?" he asked in a slightly slurred voice.

"Well," Halt replied, voice equally slurred, "he wants to see which booze is gonna work the best."

"Whaddaya mean, 'work the best'?" Crowley asked, frowning.

"We're gonna figure out what makes us the sickest in the morning."

"…And how did the kid get us to agree to that, again?"

"…I honestly don't r'member."

The Corps commandant frowned at Will, squinting skeptically. "So, we're not jus' gettin' drunk for science. We're gettin' hangovers."

**A/N:** Mythbusters, anyone?

* * *

**Thirty-Four: Like**

* * *

"Ouch, good Lord of Lords, Halt! I can _feel_ that, you know!"

Halt sighed, attempting to be gentler—at least a little bit—as he rubbed warmweed salve onto the large gash in Gilan's shin. The boy had fallen down a hill while running, and this _incredibly graceful _athlete had his fall broken by a patch of rocks—one pointy, rather malicious-looking rock in particular.

Needless to say, Gil had arrived back at the cabin, crying and bleeding into his boot.

Now, said boy crossed his arms sulkily. "I think that rocks just hate me," he pouted.

"I don't think rocks hate you, Gil."

"Really? You think so?"

Halt raised the infamous eyebrow. "You went down to meet the rocks, they didn't come up to meet you."

**A/N:** motivation for this drabble proudly goes to…(drum roll, please) my amazingly spectacular Granny! Everyone, give her a round of applause! *claps wildly* I love her comments.

* * *

**Thirty-Five: Boots**

* * *

Will looked at Gil thoughtfully for a moment. The older man noticed after a minute and asked, "What? Is there something on my face?"

"No." Will cocked his head to the side. "You know those boots you saw at the store the other day?"

"Yeah. What about them?"

"Why did you say that you would like to have borrowed them?"

Gil grinned. "Because that sounds _loads_ better than saying that I would like to steal them."

* * *

**A/N:** Like it? Yes-no-maybe? I love #33. What do you think? R/R!

I'll probably get to post something more sometime this week, whether for this or some other story. One thing I'm thankful for is Thanksgiving break!


	7. Cassie's Debut

**A/N:** Hi...I know, I haven't been on in quite some time; I got caught up in life. The Christmas spirit is in the air, and I'm excited! It is for this excitement that I am updating here in the middle of the week!

Enjoy, and Merry Christmas, six days early!

* * *

**Thirty-Six: Steal**

* * *

Will crossed his arms. "So you're telling me that you have _never_ stolen anything? Never?"

"That's right," Halt said with a nod. His smile was smug.

"So, what about that bandit's knife?"

Halt just scoffed. "I gave it back."

"Yeah, right into his calf. What about…that tin of coffee beans?"

"I was told that I could have it."

Sighing in exasperation, Will said, "Well, how about the time when you sneaked into the kitchen and got those pies?"

"_That_ was borrowing forever without asking. There's a massive difference, my dear apprentice."

"…I'm not sure I know how to respond to that one."

* * *

**Thirty-Seven: Ship**

* * *

Evanlyn stood gazing at the moored craft as it lazily rocked with the oncoming surf. "She's a fine beauty, Erak," she said to the Skandian on her right.

He nodded. "Indeed she is, Princess. Indeed she is," Erak said. He cocked his head. "What part do you like the best of her; her mast, stern, prow…?" He left the question open.

The Oberjarl was confused when she started cackling like mad.

Evanlyn was doubled over in laughter, and Erak looked at her like she was going to explode at any moment. "What?" he asked. "What did I say?"

She finally got control of herself and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Oh man, that's funny," she said in that breathless sigh that everyone seems to talk in right after they die laughing.

"What's funny?"

She pointed at him with one lazy finger. "Oh jeez, that's hilarious. You think I have a clue!"

**A/N:** that didn't turn out quite as funny as I hoped. I just hadn't made any drabbles with Evanlyn in them…so I figured that 'clueless' would be a good start.

* * *

**Thirty-Eight: Crossword**

* * *

While Halt was busying himself with paperwork and Will was sitting in the floor doing God-knows-what, Gilan was chewing on the end of his pen as he tried to complete his crossword puzzle.

The younger Ranger frowned and sighed for the 294,437th time, and Halt looked at his former student. "What are you stuck on, Gil?"

"How do you know I'm stuck?" Gil inquired a bit too innocently.

"Because," Will chirped, "you never sigh this much."

"Alright, fine," Gil said. "I need a four-letter word for 'disappointment.' I just can't figure it out!"

Will assumed his 'thinking expression' as he tried to puzzle out the crossword. "Uh…how about 'downfall?' Wait, too many letters. Oh, I know! It's 'failure!' Oh, wait, that's not four letters either…"

While Will continued his attempts, Gil turned to his former mentor. "Halt, do you have any idea?"

"What was it again?" Halt asked, lips pursed thoughtfully.

"A four-letter-word for 'disappointment.'"

"Oh, that's plenty easy."

Gilan looked expectant. "Well, what is it?"

Halt scoffed. "It's 'Will.'"

"Hey!" Will exclaimed, turning quickly where he sat, managing to lose his balance and fall flat on his face. Halt and Gil facepalmed.

* * *

**Thirty-Nine: Shoot**

* * *

Will walked in the room, grinning from ear to ear. "Horace," he called as he leaned his bow, strung and ready as always, against his knee, "come here! I've _got _to tell you about my trip into town."

"Okay, okay, hold on!" the knight called from the other room. "Just let me finish getting…" He trailed off, obviously doing what he was mentioning.

Will waited patiently for his friend to come in, and in a few moments, Horace came jogging. As he started to flop on the couch, he prompted, "Aaaaaaaaand shoot. _Ah, my foot_!" he suddenly exclaimed as his toe banged the leg of the couch.

Horace shouted even louder as a very confused Will—who genuinely believed he was doing what the Horace had asked him to—shot an arrow through the knight's foot.

**A/N:** yet _another_ experience of mine, except, you know…I didn't get shot. …My life is a walking parody. Funny, ain't it?! XD

* * *

**Forty: Fly Away**

* * *

With absolute precise care, Evanlyn spread out a thin sheet on the floor. Once she got every wrinkle smoothed and every corner exact, she raised her head from her task. "_Alyss_! I need you."

The young diplomat rose from her seat where she had been reading her book. "Sure. What do you need me to do?"

"Stand on that end of the sheet."

Once Alyss did so, Evanlyn prepared herself. She squared up to the sheet, grabbing the two corners opposite Alyss. "I have to do this just right," she explained. Readying herself, Evanlyn billowed the sheet once by raising it up above her head and snapping it back down again. The wave in the fabric rose and traveled the length of the sheet, where it stopped and fell flat at the diplomat's feet.

"Crap," Evanlyn muttered at her failure.

Alyss was giving her an odd look. "What was that meant to do?"

"The swell in the sheet was supposed to make you fly up!" And at the other young woman's baffled expression, Evanlyn frowned, confused. "What? Haven't you ever wanted to fly?"


	8. Halt Just Can't Catch a Break

**A/N:** I have returned from wherever the heck I was! I finally realized how long it had been since I'd been on FF. I have a lot of stories to catch up on...

Well, I hope you like these enough to be okay with my hugely extended leave-of-absence. Enjoy!

* * *

**Forty-One: Flying Carpet**

* * *

Trapped at the edge of a sheer cliff with nothing but their packs and an old rug, Selethen and Halt shared a glance. And still the league of men edged threateningly closer. Halt looked over his shoulder at the bottom of the cliff, where a stream trickled lazily.

"I don't know if we can make it," the Ranger mumbled.

But then Selethen got an idea. In one swift motion, he flicked the rug open. "Grab hold!" the Arridi Wakir cried to his companion. "It's a magic carpet. Just trust me!"

Nodding, Halt grabbed the edge of the rug, and the two of them pitched off the side of the cliff, leaving the band of men—who had only been attempting to return the two people's belongings—stunned.

As they plummeted downward, the grizzled Ranger called over the roar of the wind, "Any time would be good for this thing to start flying, you know!"

"I'm trying to be dramatic," Selethen bellowed just as loud. "Don't break my concentration!"

* * *

**Forty-Two: Shooting**

* * *

In one of his rare philosophical moments, Will lied on his back and looked at the stars. "Halt?"

"Mmh."

"Who shoots the stars?"

Halt looked at his apprentice as if the boy had finally really lost it. "What are you talking about, Will?"

The apprentice frowned and rose to one elbow. "Well, we shoot arrows, so who shoots stars?"

"Nobody shoots the stars," Halt said, rolling his eyes to heaven.

Will raised his hands palm-up. "Surely somebody has to shoot the stars. I mean, you don't just go around and see an arrow randomly flung from our quivers; _we_ have to shoot them. So someone's _got_ to shoot the stars!"

In exasperation, Halt growled, "God shoots them."

"Oh." For a moment, Halt thought that Will was done with questions for awhile, but he was sadly mistaken. "Why does God shoot them? They're so pretty, who would want to shoot stars? And what is God shooting at?"

Halt just put his face in his hands.

* * *

**Forty-Three: Piece**

* * *

Horace caressed his lover's cheek, gazing into her deep green eyes. With a slightly anguished smile, the knight produced an object wrapped in a red cloth from his tunic pocket.

"Take it," he said gently. "It is a piece of me. Keep it with you forever."

Evanlyn glanced down at the bundle of cloth with a skeptical expression. "Well, that's stupid," she scoffed. "What the hell is this crap, anyway?"

**A/N:** anyone recognize the Netflix commercial?

* * *

**Forty-Four: Shirt**

* * *

"Well," said the young Skandian recruit, "I suppose this is it. This is what it feels like to get ready to fight in a real battle."

"Lighten up, Doreg," Erak said. After all, this was the boy's first trip out at sea. "You're just going to be helping me out. You'll be fine."

"As if you need any help," Doreg muttered.

They stood in silence for a while, and the rogue ship sailed closer and closer to their ship. Finally, Erak broke the silence.

"Get me my red tunic," the Oberjarl ordered crisply.

The boy looked at him quizzically. "Why your red one, Oberjarl?" he asked.

Erak momentarily toyed with the idea of cuffing the boy over the ear for not simply doing as instructed, but the Skandian instead decided to relent and answer the inquiry. "That way, any blood will blend right in with it. If I get injured, the crew won't notice, and they'll keep fighting."

"Ah. I see. I'm on my way, Oberjarl."

Erak's crew had successfully fought off the rogue ship, just to find out that an entire fleet of ships was closing in on them. Erak and his crew would be hopelessly outnumbered. As the Oberjarl viewed the oncoming ships, he drew a deep breath.

"Doreg."

"Yes, Oberjarl?"

"Get me my brown pants."

* * *

**Forty-Five: Worth**

* * *

Halt crossed his arms at his newly found apprentice. "You know, I almost forgot how big a pain in the neck you are."

Will grinned. "Yeah, but I'm worth it!"

"…Damn. You're right."


	9. Train of Thought Gone Wild

**A/N: **It has returned! And guess what...I have a beta profile now, check it out! If anyone needs a beta, I'm (freshly) open.

* * *

**Forty-Six: Snack**

* * *

Crowley looked into the kitchen at his friend, who was rummaging through the cabinets. "Uh, Halt? What are you doing?"

Halt turned to look at him, slamming the cabinet door. "There is nothing to snack on here! Absolutely _nothing_! Just cereal! But getting cereal is unnecessarily loud, and if you hadn't noticed, _I'm trying to be quiet_!"

**A/N:** my experience again. No, I'm not telling you this for each one that I actually went through. If I told you for each one that really was, you'd think I'm stupid…*grins widely* I'm up to 15!

* * *

**Forty-Seven: Nihon-Jan Paper Armor**

* * *

"Kurokuma, Chocho, what do you thing of our armor?" Emperor Shigeru asked, showing off his attire to Horace and Will.

Will frowned, confused. "Uh, Shigeru?" he said skeptically. "…It looks like parchment."

The emperor nodded. "It _is_ parchment."

Will and Horace regarded the armor with quizzical interest. It was made from palm-sized squares of folded parchment an inch thick, all overlapped in scale-like formations and held together with thin strips of leather threaded through holes in the squares. Both young men tilted their heads slightly to the right as they looked at the armor.

Horace looked to his best friend. "Will? Do you mind?" he asked, holing his hand out, palm up.

"No, of course I don't mind," the Ranger answered. He unsheathed his saxe knife and handed it, hilt first, to Horace.

To Shigeru, the young knight shrugged one shoulder and gave a slight lopsided grin. "Forgive me, but…" he trailed off. Holding out the saxe knife at the emperor, Horace cut gently at the parchment of the armor. The hardened steel blade sliced a thin rivet through the first few layers of one of the squares.

Handing the weapon back to Will, he shrugged. "Doesn't seem very sturdy," he said.

Shigeru grinned and cocked an eyebrow. "You'd be surprised, Kurokuma."

Will raised an eyebrow, too. "Well," he pointed to himself, "Chocho thinks that your armor is quite stupid."

**A/N:** I got this idea from Mythbusters. I thought it was hilarious, but I really can't remember what conclusion they came to. I'm starting to wonder if it was plausible or not…

* * *

**Forty-Eight: Half-Caff**

* * *

Halt took a sip of his coffee, then spewed it back out in disgust. It was quite a noteworthy spit-take moment. "What happened to my coffee?" he demanded.

Looking much too innocent, Pauline replied, "I don't know what you mean, dear."

"My coffee! You gave me decaf, didn't you?"

"No, of course not! …It's half-caff. It's better for your health."

"Better for my health, my foot! Just now I about died of shock at the difference!"

* * *

**Forty-Nine: Farmers**

* * *

Relaxed, Will and Halt traveled the foreign countryside. Sights and smells that they took in were different, exotic, and fascinating. And, of course, Will was full of questions. And, of course, his questions were very stupid.

The apprentice pointed out to the vast fields. "Halt, who are those people?"

As one, all of the men stood up and chorused, "We are Farmers! Bum ba-dum bum-bum-bum-bum!"

Halt just raised an eyebrow and made a 'there you go' gesture.

**A/N:** *stifles a giggle* I love those State Farm commercials. I can't tell you how many times I've done that! *busts up laughing* 

* * *

**Fifty: In a Bottle**

* * *

"Will, come look at this!" Horace cried excitedly.

The young Ranger came in to find Horace's grin, wide and infectious. Will smile back at him. "What you got there?"

"Look!" the knight said, thrusting the object forward. Will frowned thoughtfully.

"Is that…" Will said slowly, "…is that a ship in a bottle?"

"Yep!" And indeed, the inside of the glass bottle was littered with small pieces of wood, string, and cloth. "Well, it's not a ship yet. But it will be. I'm going to build it!"

Will looked skeptical. "Are you sure you have enough patience?"

"Oh, yeah, of course," Horace said confidently. He took the glass bottle in a secure grip and shook it firmly, twice. Will watched in wide-eyed shock as with those shakes, the ship formed inside the bottle, completing in less than five seconds.

Will just stood there, mouth agape.

The young knight smirked, showing off his new creation. "Told you so."

**A/N:** yes! I finally made it to 50! …I don't remember what gave me the 'ship in a bottle' idea. It just kind of happened.


End file.
